Enhancing Family Cohesion across the Childbearing Year

Tapping into the unique potential that the process of childbearing has to offer –

Across the journey that encompasses pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and early parenthood, there exists many an opportunity for individual and group reflection, discovery, and improvement.

In “Pregnancy as a Rite of Passage:  Liminality, Rituals & Communitas”, Cote-Arsenault & Brody synthesize several research findings which came partly from a blended view through the theoretical lenses of psychoanalysis, social psychology, and cognitive mapping as they might be applied to this common but major life transition.  The childbearing year is not only known to profoundly impact the physical body, but also directly affects the inner workings of the mind, emotions, and even spirit.  The authors found that some of the typical psychological themes which occur during the experiences associated with pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood include shifts within the mind and emotions that can serve to stimulate such processes as maturation, independence, socialization, and integration of a maternal nature into one’s identity (Cote-Arsenault & Brody, 2009).

Based upon what Cote-Arsenault & Brody (2009) discovered about this fertile time, it would make sense that those of us touched by this unique set of circumstances strive to support, rather than diminish, the many opportunities for growth that come with the activities necessary to grown and raise children.  As one can imagine and because it appears that growth will not occur without our first having overcome challenge, the childbearing year in some ways resembles the children’s board game of “Chutes and Ladders”.  Pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and early parenthood come with natural peaks and valleys, seemingly by design.  As we traverse difficulties and celebrate successes during the process of raising our children, it seems as though one stage (infancy, for example) prepares us for the next (the toddler years). 

We are often motivated to reflect, discover, and improve ourselves and/or our support networks, in response to the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual peaks and valleys that this life transition puts before us.  Such reflection, discovery, and improvement, then, will likely serve to enhance empathy, confidence, family cohesion, and even the health and wellness of mother and baby during the childbearing year.  In looking at an excerpt from What No One Tells the Mom (Stark, 2005), the author refers to family therapist, John Gottman, Ph.D., and his philosophy that spouses who are able to exhibit caring and an ability to put themselves in the shoes of a new mother might later be able to realize a greater level of relationship happiness and longevity.   The act of offering support to one another can often result in the restoration or enhancement of an interpersonal circuit of giving, receiving, and growing.

REFLECTION – Using thoughts to evoke change

·        Communicate - Think about one’s own childhood and the way the adults in our lives parented, how adept we feel we are right now when we think about raising children, and what ideals we hold that will help us develop into the most loving and effective adults in a position of supporting the lives of children

·        Assess – Identify and formulate lists of values, goals, strengths, likes, and dislikes, as they relate to developing one’s self and the family unit

·        Empower - Empower one’s self and one’s family by taking the time to regularly validate one’s own and each other’s feelings, share hopes and dreams for the future, and attend to attachment issues like whether or not members of support network feel their own needs are being met

DISCOVERY – Using words to promote understanding

·        Inventory - Accurately construct various lists to assist individual and group goal setting and meeting – a basic inventory might be a list of supplies needed or desired for the postpartum period, another a family strengths list; i.e., “what we’ve done well so far”

·        Mindfulness - Enroll in a mindful partnering or parenting class to learn how to enhance one’s participation in family life with greater mindfulness and a focus on the present – forgiveness, meeting current needs, and increased resilience come about more readily when we practice mindfulness

·        Research – Learn about legal rights and responsibilities pertaining to pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and early parenting; register for childbirth classes to increase confidence, ability, and enjoyment of the processes of labor and birth; look at different theories on childrearing and determine which ones feel most meaningful to you

IMPROVEMENT – Using actions to facilitate personalized growth

·        Adjust – Practice tweaking the level to which you advocate for yourself and those you care about, as advocacy is quite an important part of maturation in general, and also in learning how to be an effective partner and/or parent

·        Support – Practice observation of behavioral cues coming from others which can signal when more assistance is desired (childbirth preparation classes can provide practice in learning how to support someone who is in labor)

·        Practice – Enjoy coming up with new habits and rituals for self and other-care, empathic listening, more efficient communication, and life celebration, and then practice; Be sensitive to likes and dislikes among self and loved ones and strive to increase time spent on likes and decrease time spent on dislikes

Enjoy reconnecting to the pleasant memories of the past, discovering who you are now, and growing a family that can roll with resistance and grow with resilience! 

References:

·         Cote-Arsenault, Denise & Brody, Davya, et al. (2009). “Pregnancy as a Rite of Passage: Liminality, Rituals & Communitas”. Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health (Winter, 2009). Retrieved 03.12.2016, from https://www.questia.com/read/1P3-2113516821/pregnancy-as-a-rite-of-passage-liminality-rituals.

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 Stark, M. (2005) “Tips for New Moms: Surround Yourself with People Who Make You Feel Safe”, excerpted from What no one tells the mom: Surviving the early years of parenthood with your sanity, your sex life, and your sense of humor intact. Retrieved 03.08.2016, from http://pregnancy.familyeducation.com/postpartum/adjusting-to-new-motherhood/36122.html.